Dating a Foreigner: 15 Honest Tips, From First Message to First Visit

The first voice message usually shows up a week or two in. You press play, hear an accent you can't quite place, and listen again to catch every word. Around then, dating someone from another country stops being an idea and turns into an actual relationship, with time zones, misunderstandings and, if you're lucky, a person you can't stop thinking about.

We run Bridesa, an international dating site, so relationships between people from different countries are what we think about all day. Below is what we'd tell a friend who just matched with someone on the other side of the world, roughly in the order you'll need it: first messages, getting closer, getting serious and the first visit.

First messages

1. Write for someone reading in their second language

If English isn't their first language, every message you send takes extra effort to read and answer. Make that easy. Short sentences, one question at a time, and no slang they'd have to look up.

Sarcasm deserves its own warning. A dry "oh great, another Monday" that your friends would laugh at can read as genuinely miserable, or a bit rude, to someone reading carefully in a second language. Until you've talked on video and they know how you actually sound, say what you mean. An emoji isn't childish if it stops a misunderstanding.

And if their English is better than your Portuguese will ever be, tell them. People like to know the effort shows.

2. Learn how they laugh online

People don't type laughter the same way everywhere. Spanish speakers write jajaja, Brazilians often write kkkk, and in Thai 555 means laughing, because the number five is pronounced "ha". Japanese chats use www, Korean ones use ㅋㅋㅋ, and in Russian and Ukrainian chats a row of brackets, like this))), is a smile. Meanwhile, in Chinese chats the plain smiling emoji 🙂 is often read as cold or even sarcastic.

None of this is a test. But if your match sends "555" after your joke, now you know it landed.

3. Learn what a polite "no" sounds like

In some places people say no directly and nobody's offended. In others, "maybe next time", "I'll see" or "it's a bit difficult" is how people turn something down without hurting anyone. If you suggest a call on Saturday and get a soft, vague answer, don't ask three more times.

Questions with two easy options help. "Saturday morning or Sunday evening?" lets someone choose without having to refuse you. It works the other way too: if you come from a more direct culture, your "no" may land harder than you meant, so soften it the first few times.

4. Remember that to them, you're the foreigner

"Italians are so romantic." "German women are so direct." Even meant as a compliment, a line like that tells the other person you're dating their passport, and they've heard it many times before.

Try flipping it. To your match, you're the one from a strange country with odd food and a funny accent. Ask about their city, their job, the friend they keep mentioning, and let them ask about yours. You'll learn far more, and you'll stand out from everyone who opened with the cliché.

Getting closer

5. Use a translator, but learn the words that matter

Translation apps are fine for a word you don't know or a sentence you want to double-check. They're bad at jokes, tone and feelings: a heartfelt paragraph can come out stiff, or accidentally funny. Two habits help. Before you send something important, translate it back into English and check it still says what you meant. And tell your match early: "If my translator ever sounds rude, tell me. It's the app, not me."

Meanwhile, learn a few words yourself. "Good morning", "sleep well" and "I miss you" in their language land very differently from the same words in English. Ask them to teach you one word a day. You'll get to hear them laugh at your pronunciation, which is half the fun.

If you get that far, ask which "you" to use. Plenty of languages have a formal and an informal one (usted and tú in Spanish, Sie and du in German, ви and ти in Ukrainian), and switching to the informal one together can be a small, nice milestone.

6. Get on video in the first week or two

Ten minutes of video tell you more than a month of texts: the voice, the laugh, the room behind them, the way they look at you when you talk. It's also the simplest way to check that the person is real.

Don't wait for the perfect moment. Suggest a short call early and keep it relaxed. Now and then, ask for something spontaneous: show the view from the window, wave at the camera, turn around to grab a drink. Face-swapping software exists now, and spontaneous movement is where it tends to glitch. If the camera is always "broken" after weeks of chatting, stop there, whatever the excuse.

Two more checks take a minute. Run their photos through a reverse image search (Google Images or TinEye) to make sure they don't appear under other names, and notice whether their story stays the same from week to week.

7. Make the time difference work for you

Time zones sound simple until you live with them. New York and Manila are twelve hours apart in summer and thirteen in winter. London and Bogotá are five or six hours apart, depending on the season. And because the US and Europe change their clocks on different weekends, the usual gap shifts by an hour for a few weeks in spring and about a week in autumn, which is exactly when someone misses a call.

A rhythm that's easy to keep: two fixed video calls a week at times that are reasonable for both of you, and voice notes in between. A good-morning message waiting when they wake up costs you nothing. And a few hours of silence usually means they're asleep or at work, not that they've lost interest.

For call times that work when you're 3, 6 or 12 hours apart, see our guide to making a long-distance relationship work with a time difference.

8. Ask "how does that work where you're from?"

Something will surprise you early on. Maybe your match calls their mum every day, eats dinner at ten at night, or still lives with their parents at thirty. Before you decide what it means, ask. Usually there's a simple explanation (rent is expensive, everyone in their city eats late, the family is just close), and the question itself tells them you're curious rather than judging.

9. Put their holidays in your calendar

Find out what they celebrate and when, and write it down. A few dates that catch people out:

• Orthodox Easter often falls on a different Sunday from Western Easter. In 2027, Western Easter is on 28 March and Orthodox Easter on 2 May.
• Lunar New Year moves every year. In 2027 it falls on 6 February.
• Nowruz, the Persian New Year, is on the spring equinox, around 20 or 21 March.
• Ramadan moves about eleven days earlier each year. During that month, fasting and evening family meals change when your match is free to talk, so ask what times suit them.
• Some countries celebrate name days as well as birthdays.

A message on the right morning shows you've been paying attention, and it costs nothing.

Getting serious

10. Find out how big a part family plays

In some families, parents expect to meet a partner early and have opinions about them. In others, parents hear about you after the engagement. Neither is wrong, but you'll want to know which kind you're dealing with before their mum appears on a video call and asks what you earn.

Ask how close your match is to their family, how often they visit, and whether anyone at home depends on them. Those answers will matter a lot later.

11. Talk about money before it gets awkward

Long-distance love costs money: flights, visas, phone plans, presents that cost more to post than to buy. Talk early about who pays for what. One simple arrangement is that whoever travels pays for the flight and the host covers food and everyday costs, but anything you both agree on is fine.

Salaries and prices can also be very different between your countries. A dinner that's cheap for one of you might be a week's groceries for the other. Plan dates and trips you can both afford, so nobody ends up feeling like a sponsor.

And ask about family obligations. In some cultures adult children send money to their parents every month. It's much better to hear that now than to find it on a bank statement after the wedding.

12. Never send money to someone you haven't met

We'll repeat this in a lot of posts, because it matters most: never send money, gift cards or crypto to someone you haven't met in person. The stories are always convincing. They need help with a plane ticket or a visa fee. A parcel with a present for you is stuck at customs. A relative is in hospital. There's an investment that can't wait.

People who are really interested in you don't ask. Romance scams are an industry: in the US alone, people reported losing well over a billion dollars to them in 2025, according to the Federal Trade Commission. If someone asks you for money, stop, talk to a friend, and report the profile on the site where you met.

13. Check who can actually visit whom

This is easy to overlook. One of you might be able to fly over next month with just a passport, while the other needs a visa, an appointment at an embassy and weeks of waiting, and can still be refused. An invitation letter helps, but it doesn't guarantee anything.

Before you plan, look up the rules in both directions on official government websites. If one of you visits the Schengen area in Europe, for example, short stays are limited to 90 days in any 180-day period. Rules change and depend on your passport, so check again before every trip: EU rules for visitors from outside the EU, US visas, UK visas.

14. Have the "where would we even live?" talk before anyone books flights

Not on day one. But before things get serious, talk about the questions that decide most international relationships:

• Which country would you live in, and could the person who moves work there?
• Do you want children, and which languages would they grow up with?
• How much does religion matter to each of you, at a wedding and at home?
• Does either of you support parents, now or later?
• How often would you visit each family?
• What would you do if a visa was refused?

You don't need the same answers. You do need to know them, because "we'll figure it out later" gets much harder after six months of falling for someone. If moving is already on the table, we wrote 15 questions to ask before you move abroad for love.

The first visit

15. Plan the first trip like a sensible adult (then enjoy it)

The practical part first:

• Book your own room, ideally one you can cancel, so you can leave if you need to.
• Meet the first time in daylight, somewhere busy and public.
• Give a friend your plans, plus your match's full name, photo and phone number.
• Keep your passport with you and carry a copy. Nobody else should hold it for you.
• Have a return ticket and some emergency money that's only yours.
• Save the local emergency number. In the EU it's 112.

Then let yourself enjoy it. Expect a little culture shock in both directions: the food is different, "on time" means something else, people stand closer or further away than you're used to. Include at least one ordinary day with groceries and errands, not only sightseeing, and plan a bit of time on your own. If you're the host, translating and guiding all day is tiring. If you're the visitor, say thank you and give your host the occasional evening off.

One more thing: culture is not an excuse

Different cultures, same basic decency. Being late, eating with your hands or calling your mother every day can be cultural. Controlling who you talk to, going through your phone, lying or shouting at you is not, wherever someone grew up. If something feels wrong, trust that feeling more than any explanation about "how things are done here".

Quick answers

Is it hard to date someone from another country?
In practical ways, yes: distance, visas and time zones all take effort. In other ways it's easier. You're both curious by default, and you rarely run out of things to talk about.

How long should you talk before meeting in person?
There's no fixed rule. Wait until you've had several relaxed video calls, their story hangs together and nobody has asked you for money. For most people that takes weeks or months, not days.

Can you date someone who doesn't speak your language well?
Yes, if you're both patient. Keep messages simple, use a translator to check the important things, and learn some of each other's language. Video calls help a lot, because tone of voice carries what words miss.

How do I know they're real?
Video calls with some spontaneous movement, photos that don't turn up under other names, a story that stays consistent, and no requests for money. If any of those fail, slow down.

If you haven't met that person yet, look for a site where you can search by country, message people without paying per message, and block or report anyone who behaves badly. That's why we built Bridesa: messaging and chat are free, so there's no meter running while you get to know someone.

Last tip, and a practical one: learn the word for "delicious" before your first visit. You'll use it more than you think.

Cover photo: Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash